Sometimes in my life to get forward I had to take a step back.
Warning: This is a very gross tale from a grocery store’s restroom.
When it comes to rest room hygiene, women can be just as disgusting as men. I have learned they have complete equal rights in this regard.
One morning, a customer did some hand painting in a stall. Why? I don’t know, but I clearly could see that this was instantly causing a mountain of grief, and the manager appeared to be intending to let it remain on display for 2 hours until the janitor arrived.
I stepped out of my place as being on the front end I heard everything that was happening. I told my manager that I knew she could not order me to clean it, but that my mother would rise up from the grave to kick my ass if I left it there.
Soon after this episode, I was cleaning broken glass and spills from the floor, as well as setting up the front cashiers’ supplies at their register for the coming day.
Now unfortunately, my pay didn’t rise a cent. More importantly however, I was respected more. My depression was eliminated, and my self-esteem and self-respect rose. Overall, I was just a much happier person.
When I left however, they threw a going away party and gave me a $25 gift card for the grocery store.
Na, na, I um, swear I didn’t know cleansers weren’t eatables. When I was a lil’ kid Mommy shoved a bar of soap down my throat. Why would she do that if you get sick from eating that stuff? All I said was “Mommy your farts smell like shit.”
In front of a therapist, Bruce babbled agonizingly, as to why he screamed, “My brownies are just Caucasian!!!” at a group of women leading a school’s cookie sale. He wasn’t allowed to sell his brownies because he admitted to using AJax powder to coat his brownies, since he lacked powdered sugar.
For myself, just talking to a medical professional, about what caused a depressive episode or bizarre actions can conjure up uneasiness, tension, and stress. In the past I have buried the feelings and emotions of dark periods in my life with miserable consequences.
Without an open, honest disclosure of the surrounding events leading to a depressive collapse of mental health, the medical staff will not be able to fully treat me. Worse yet, those buried thoughts and emotions are sure to erupt in an even greater horrific cloud.
I know this just because when I started with therapy and seeing a psychiatrist I hid those facts that could have helped.
Stare down the pain to defeat your fears.
When I admitted my secrets to a psychiatrist or therapist, I often felt like a “born-again Christian”, who went down to the river and had my sins washed away.
My time in Nicaragua didn’t end when I returned to the U.S.
“Three years! NOT three months!” my brain screamed to itself in a hateful voice.
The Franciscan Mission Service sent me to Managua, Nicaragua in 1990. I was instructed to help the parish I was sent to inside their capital city. There was one big problem when I arrived. There is no priest shortage in Third World countries, and they had no use for me. However, I discovered my own mission. My mother sent me prayer cards, and I took photos of small kids with the cards. Then I sent the film home to Mom, who has them developed and returned them to me. I ended up handing out photos with prayer cards. Admittedly not much.
The kids got to know me and one day a small little guy took me by the hand with tears in his eyes and lead me to the shack where he lived. On the dirt floor on a thin mat what looked to be his grandmother laid on it. I said the Our Father in English and apologized for not knowing Spanish better.
When I stepped out to the fresh air, my mind grumbled, “I’m getting in over my head.” I stared at the sun and prayed, “What do you want me to do?” I had a small epileptic seizure on the dot, and started making plans to return to the U.S.
I could not accept that I failed in a mission that meant so much to me. Today I read:
Swami Sivananda is a Hindu yoga instructor.
My mind constantly agonized over my past mistakes and failures and so it was filled with misery, grief, and unhappiness. This lead to nine years of heavy drinking but still intense desperation.
The years, and decades latter were filled with failed relationships, two failed marriages, failed careers. Whenever I remembered Nicaragua those 5 words rang out within my brains, except the latter recitals had an addition. With each additional failure, I was blaring to myself, “Just like when it was three months, not three years!”
By this time, I had multiple subjects to bitch at myself about. Nicaragua was just the cherry on top of the pile.
The relationships and careers would probably have failed anyway. However, after a relative frankly stated that I was destined to fail since I was not fluent in Spanish, and suddenly I knew she was right. My partner lasted two to three months before failing also. My new mantra for mishaps is: “Ted don’t beat yourself up.” Now I also add all of the good things I did that day.
I’ve only been outright fired from one job, and it was one I cherished also. When I got the news of my termination my only response to my manager and his supervisor was, “Well that sucks.”
A complete u-turn in my response to bad news. Best of all I didn’t dwell on it for years on end. I just picked up and moved on.
Was it: Adolph Hitler, St. Teresa of Avila, Socrates, Pres Jimmy Carter, or Pink? Answer at bottom of post.
The point of this post is short: The person, who can rattle off a ton of problems of the next entire generation following his or her own age group probably has more problems of their own. Although if someone is normally a positive person, then they could just be having a bad day.
A person who constantly whines and bitches tends to be pessimistic and not an uplifting person to be around. Besides people who see a negative future probably currently live in a negative world.
For myself and my depression, I try to be around positive people.
I can make the above comments simply because I was an extremely negative person at one time. I criticized, attacked, and erupted in a slew of unimaginably disgusting profanity and spittle. I never considered anyone’s feelings. Anything that did not fall into agreement with my prideful, narcissistic world often received an ugly return.
I believe I’ve changed for two reasons. My meds were adjusted and believe for my betterment. Second, I started praying on a daily basis. I composed many of my own prayers and chose verses from the Bible to meditate over. The prayers made me stop and consider my interactions with people.
In time, I became much more considerate of other people and ultimately a much happier person overall.
Personally I can only guess he was having a rotten day.
Two other generational quotes:
Doesn’t every generation feel like the one that’s coming up behind them doesn’t know how to grow up? I’m not sure if we’re progressively getting worse or if your perspective shifts.”— Jason Reitman, a U.S./Canadian actor/director.
“Every generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser the one that comes after it.” George Orwell.
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